I have an "acquaintance" in college who I considered a good friend in the first 2-3 yrs of college. We even looked a bit alike and most people thought that we were related. There was a distressing issue that she complained to me about during our first yr. Apparently, there was this guy who was always hovering around her. He showed up after she finished her sections, sat near her in lectures, bought her books she didn't ask for and even had the audacity to reproach her for not studying well after seeing her not-so-great grades when our test results were hung up on the wall after every test. She kept telling me that she wished he would just leave her alone and go away but she didn't have the heart to embarrass him. This girl was very delicate with a very low tone of voice (at the time , at least) , so I believed her. I used to encourage her to try and push him away by being harsh while dealing with him and I even offered to speak up for her if we both ran into to him together after one of our sections since most people thought we were cousins anyway. She told me she would handle it somehow but a few weeks later, she came to me horrified. Apparently, this guy was totally convinced that they had something between them to the extent that his elder sister had come to college one day to talk to her and tell her how he was a such a good guy and how much he loved her. She also told her that because they were so young, the engagement would be in the 5th year of college and marriage after they graduated. She told me how she had clearly put her food down and explained to her how it was never going to happen. I still believed her and offered my full support whenever she needed it.Fast forward to our fifth year in college. I noticed him attending our rounds instead of his a little too much. Sitting close to her in lessons one too many times. I warned her that if she didn't put up barriers, that it would happen all over again. She told me simply , " His friends are my friends and my friends are his friends , so it's O.K. now". I didn't like him and I didn't like how she was handling it but who am I to say anything? We drifted apart and even though we had different rounds, I noticed not seeing her recently at all. I asked the others if she was alright or if maybe she was sick but they said that they had seen her in lessons. Yesterday, someone mentioned that she got engaged last week and she was probably just busy. I was surprised and happy for her until a friend of mine told me she had seen the album and that he was with us in the same class in college. I asked her to describe him and lo and behold, she got engaged to her stalker.
See, I hope they get married, live happily ever after and have a truckload of little kids. I'm just really pissed about how she played me for over a year. How she just couldn't stand the attention. I feel like a complete moron whenever I remember how I offered to help her push him away.
I mean, If she enjoyed every minute of his attention and had bigger plans for both of them in the future , why make me think that she hated him ? Why did she feel the need to fool me?
I was just trying to look out for her...
2 years ago
17 comments:
but maybe at that time, she did not like him but then he grew on her. what i learnt at uni, is that people change. It's different to school, at uni, you are adults, you begin to realise that you can choose your own path, make up your own mind, not keep the same ideas that have been ingrained in you by those around you.
Maybe she just changed, or maybe that was just her all along and she didn't want to acknowledge it to you. Maybe something happened between them and she now has to accept? Maybe maybe maybe....sometimes when things don't make sense, it's because we don't know the whole story.
I empathise with you though
You're absolutely right of course.A lot of things could've happened/changed with her/them that I don't necessarily have to know about. I'm just full of myself and hate feeling like an idiot. I felt a bit betrayed at first mostly though, I'm just suffering from a bruised ego.
Alright 2 lessons in this one:
1. When women say no, they really mean yes.
2. NEVER. EVER. EVER. Get too involved in someone else's love affair/ dispute/ disagreement/ set-up/ whatever. If they get together because you set them up, when they have a fight, they'll secretly blame you. And if you get involved, say telling your friend you always thought he was a jerk...they'll get back together, she'll tell him what you said and they'll make a "joint" decision to cut you out.
Number 1 was a joke, btw. Kind of. Sort of.
Definitely agree now with no 2. I guess I just didn't see it as getting involved at the time because there seemed to be nothing to get involved in.
as for no1 well, it should be just "sort of" a joke because even I have to admit that there are some girls/women who are like that and they give the rest of us females more trouble to deal with.
Nope, you're still not with me. The whole post was meant to make you realise that you needn't be upset. The whole thing is really her life and who she chooses to be with. If she has changed her mind or could not/would not tell you the truth then that's something that goes back to her. It was after all about a potential romantic liasion. So don't feel dissed, it's not about you, well at least that's my opinion from what you've said.
I agree. with the don't get involved idea. I have learnt the hard way never ever under any circumstance give advice about guy girl relationships- no matter how amazing your friendship is and how much you think, nah we're the best, we'd never fall out....you will you will you will. I got burnt twice, once with a friend who was so cool who was going out with a buddhist monk (yeah i don't know how she managed that one, but hey monks gotta live too). Now y'ad think those guys would be chilled out but the dude was a total stalker in every creepy, get the restraining order asap kinda way. Told her the guy was no good, for her own good- end of that friendship.
I generally like to make a mistake twice before i learn from it. Just to confirm that it really is a mistake- so i went and did it again with a close friend who was going out with a guy who was taking her for a ride- yep forgone conclusion- we don't speak that much anymore even though relationship ended with him dumping her over the phone. Even when you're right, it still doesn't make things ok.
Here's hopin stalkers made good husbands ehy, for both their sakes.
I can understand what u are feeling. I passed through something like it, and I was as surprised as you are. But that's life. You can't know for sure whether she liked him from the start but for one reason she wanted to hide it from everyone, or whether she really didn't like him back then and later on found him suitable for her as a husband.
Life is very surprising! :-)
Pink : Wow , a buddhist monk / stalker, huh? I'm over the whole issue khalas el7amdulelah. It's her life not mine, like you said and she probably has her reasons that she's not obligated to tell me about. It's just another life lesson learned I guess. An adult life lesson that is.
Nousha : Everybody I've told this little story to seems to have a similar experience, including my mother lol.
Yep, life is full of surprises.
Ravine: Tanesh.. ta3esh.. tanta3esh.. (in the words of someone I can't remember who). But it really does come down to that.. the less you care.. the less happenings around you can affect you. Rabena yewafa2hom.
Maybe she was using you as a sort of safety-valve. Like, if it didn't work out with the guy she would have told you all along that she didn't like him, and you would have to testify to that. Just a thought.
Juka:I think I might use that saying more often!
halalhippie:I thought about it and that's what pissed me off in the beginning. The sensation of being used or manipulated. There are too many possibilities and explanations for such an odd turn of events but like I said, it's her life not mine.
I personally don't think you did anything wrong. You gave her advice that she asked for, right? It's not like you interfered without her wanting. But also, I don't think she did anything wrong because like what someone else said previously, you don't know the whole story. And it's very possible that she was not likeing him at first, but her feelings changed towards him once she started getting used to him. And don't forget that she did tell you that 'it's OK now'.
Wow I guess it's the same everywhere, my sister was that girl you wrote about. But in the US she married the stalker who was on a scholarship from Egypt. Her friends and our whole family faught whole heartedly to keep him away but with no avail. But after 3 years of a tumultuous roller coaster ride she is happily divorced thank-god.
Hey you! I get some sun and sea for 10 days and you call the national guards. You've been gone almost 2 weeks now. DAMN! Where are you???
Zerocool: Wow, I feel sorry that she wasted three years of her life but it's a good thing that they were only 3 yrs and nothing more. Good on you guys for trying to be there for her, though. Hope the girl I was talking about doesn't go through anything like this isa.
Juka: I have no life ya juka, manty 3arfa lol. I had nothing to write about , that's all :D ! You're more prolific than I am, that's why a 10 day absence from you is a reason to call the national guards and the fire department and everything!
lol. You know what I think... kanet bitikhzi el 3ein. Galha 3arees f 2i3dadi yammay... fa khafit mil 7asad.
Like Juka said.... Tanash.
Maybe there is another reason she's not with you. Maybe she truly wants to be, but she doesn't trust. Maybe she can't trust, she wants to, but she doesn't know how. Maybe she needed you to tell her more about how you felt.
Did she know? Did you tell her? Maybe she could still run, if you did...
She didn't have to trust me but she also didn't have to plan an elaborate charade that spanned year to make it seem like she was the object of unwanted attention and needed help getting rid of it. I'm not her mother,so she can marry whomever she wants without asking for my approval. She just didn't have to make me feel like an absolute moron in the process.That's not something you do to people you consider friends.
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