Things that Go Bump in the Night

So I just started my pediatrics' round, last Saturday. If there's one thing I've come to notice with my keen observational skills, it's the absolute lack of any semblance of hygienic conditions within the hospital. I mean, sure it might seem hygienic to a family of rats but it's not exactly fit for 10 hospital wards full of babies.

Last night, my friend and I decided to wander off from the hole in the ground we like to call the "ER", after our red blood cells finally decided to give up the good fight against the ER's horrible ventilation (or lack thereof) and we began to feel our brain cells slowly withering from the lack of oxygen. So there we were, strolling through the hospital's empty hallways with the intention of visiting our friends on the second floor, when suddenly...

We thought we thaw a puthycat!

It was a puthy..err... pussycat indeed...

In fact, there were two of them, rummaging through the garbage in front of one of the wards.

Needless to say, cats playing around in what seems to be last week's macaroni inside of a friggin' hospital, by no means make a pretty sight.

Then if that wasn't enough to permanently turn us off from the practice of medicine in Egypt, the following events take place while we pass one of the balconies :

Me: Wait a sec, I think I just saw something move.
Friend: What? Where?

~*We both put our heads together and squint through the darkness until we see..err..a rodent of some kind~*

Me: Eww! It's a huge RAT!
Friend: No no, it's ...it's got..thick hair on its tail.
Me: EWWW..omg shut up...o look..the cat looks like it's trying to pounce on it...how cute!

After the furry little fellow scurries along moments away from inevitable doom, we conclude it was in fact a weasel...and if we had any doubts, it made it's identity entirely clear by scurrying, once again, in front of us on our way back and a few inches away from the kids sleeping soundly in their beds.

I finally understand why the pediatrics hospital is commonly known as the "The toilet of El-Demerdash".

And if you're a toilet's toilet, you know things have got to be bad!

I'm at the age..

When I'm finally starting to realize that I'm not nearly as "special" as I thought I was. Whenever I start feeling good about something, there's just something around the corner that kicks my ass right back into reality.
And will someone kindly explain to me just why do I give so much crap about what people I all but loathe think of me?

Me and myself are very displeased with each other...

And here is the appropriately titled...Sucks to be you- Prozzak

Close Encounters of the Avian Kind

It's not very reassuring when your resident tells you that the patient who just threw up on your shoes the day before, has now been confirmed as the 65th case of Avian Flu(H5N1 strain) in Egypt.

It's also kinda difficult to hide it from your family - ya know- so as not to worry them or anything, when it gets printed in the newspaper the next day and everyone at home jumps whenever you sneeze or cough. Even when you tell them that there's no human-to-human transmission...yet.

Well hopefully because if a virus wants a place to mutate where else could it find a better home?

Okay okay, enough with my fear mongering...

The poor woman came to the hospital 9-months pregnant and as custom goes in certain.. well..I guess you could say.. socioeconomic classes here, she was raising the chickens, so she could eat a couple after she gave birth. She and her family kept denying that little tidbit however, until her condition became severely deteriorated and ventilatory support became necessary.

As my father would say, "E7na sha3b ghalban walahy".

It seems however that the Dr.Sha3bolla approach isn't working too well and the Ministry of Health needs to start working on a new game plan, since we're now the proud owners of the highest number of Avian Flu cases outside of Asia.

I'm a Doctor! Well sorta...

Imagine me saying that a la Zach Braff, all full of myself in my fancy work p.j.'s (a.k.a. scrubs).
So I technically graduated and I'm currently 6 weeks into my year as a house officer (a.ka. my year of living dangerously...dun dun DUN).

I went ahead and picked the group with obstetrics and gynecology as the first round and my oh my, what a hoot! Suffice to say that adoption does not get enough love in this country and anyone who tells you girls that pregnancy is a beautiful thing should be instantly smacked on the head. Preferably with something capable of causing brain damage.

Between the random pools of blood and vomit on the floor and all those women screaming their heads off at once, topped off with a doctor getting a miniature nervous breakdown every now and then, I just can't seem to see the beauty. Not even when the resident finally lets you assist in a delivery and you hold that strange squishy creature in your hand covered in a strange variety of ..well... crap and you're looking around frantically for someone to take it away before it slips out of your hand.

Eh, it's the circle of life maaan...(no, I'm not using a bong right now).

I've learned in these past few weeks that I'm not nearly as much of an insomniac as I fancy myself to be. In fact, I actually like to sleep every now and then.

That I'm always going to find blood somewhere on my hands, no matter how careful I am or how many pairs of latex gloves I carry around.

That working in a hospital requires you to be an asshole/bitch/jerk more than your normal daily quota, as unfortunate as that is.

That everyone in the hospital steals from everyone else. We were actually sent out more than once on missions to rip off both the internal medicine and surgery hospitals of as many cannulas as our formerly innocent pockets could carry. We all died a little inside as we started our career in crime *sigh*.

That washing your shoes before you step into the house is always a good idea because you're never quite sure exactly what it is you slipped on while walking down the hall that day.

And finally that requests are a great way to lose weight, if you steer clear from all the junk food (a.k.a. mysterious and greasy toxic waste everyone in the hospital seems to order). Eat your heart out, Jenny Craig !

I'm too cool to worry, you know...

Here I am, just hangin'..

My grades are gonna show up presumably within the next 48 hours but I'm not worried. Nu-uh..no siree. I mean why should I? They're just basically some numbers. I mean, its true that these numbers are the summation of any effort I put into the last six years of my life and most likely will determine where I spend the next six but I digress, they're just numbers that will not get any higher or lower if I worry, right guys?

The thing is, I just want to make plans for the rest of the week. What does that have to do with grades you say? Well, if they do show up online or in college, I'd hate to be in a position where everybody can get theirs except me. Not that I would cry, hyperventilate or possibly pass out..but I would just feel so lonely and left out and no one likes to feel that way, friends. No one.

And while the F5 button has been fun to play with (its so much fun seeing the faculty's results' page load over and over again-such bright colors!) , I really should get up before my index finger falls off because I'm assuming I might need it in the future.

This entry was brought to you by a calm and cool medical student who is patiently awaiting those pesky results, ya know, just to get things over with and not because her heart is trying to break free from her chest. Toodles!

Texting Good Wishes My Way? No, Thank You.

You know, I really miss the days when people had to pick up the phone or drop by and actually make an effort to tell you "Happy Eid" or whatever phrase they prefer. Getting the same text message as the other 200 people in your phonebook does kinda defeats the purpose of the "sincere wishes" you're trying to send me.

The Month of Fasting, Among Other Things (part 2)

Ramadan has also unfortunately become the month of neverending T.V. series for as long as I can remember. In recent years however, T.V. in Ramadan has been a continuous flow of commercials with some shows dispersed here and there. You end up watching so many commercials, over and over again that you become more familiar with them than with some members of your family.
I'm not going to talk about T.V. shows or series because I've avoided following any of them for quite a few years now but rather some T.V. ads that always strike me as odd whenever I venture to sit down in front of the television with a cup of coffee.

1- The series of commercials produced by The general union for NGO's ( el ete7ad el 3am lel gam3eyat el ahleya*- E7sebha sa7, te3esha sa7). Apparently, they're trying to teach the people of Egypt how to manage their budget properly. It's not the fact that the prices for bare essentials have doubled and tripled over the last few months that are making life difficult for people in Egypt. Oh my, no! It's because people are frivolous and wasteful. While the latter may be true for some portion of the population, producing a series of commercials reminding people how much easier their lives would be if they would be just a little more careful with those water faucets and cigarettes is not only equally frivolous and wasteful, but also moronic and aggravating.

2-A commercial for a~ particular~ brand of frozen vegetables(that shall remain anonymous), where a bunch of chefs decide to having a poolside cooking party. What an absolutely brilliant idea!
I know that whenever I decide to cook, I always to do it best by the pool while doing a little dance and gently caressing some artichokes, if ya know what I mean! *winkwink-nudgenudge*
Heck, I don't even know what I mean...

3- A commercial for that ~ particular~ brand of underwear(that shall remain anonymous), where we observe the trials and tribulations of a young man who doesn't have the best taste in wifebeaters/A-shirts/undershirts (el fanelat el dakhelya ya3ni). We watch with aching hearts the mess his life has become until we collectively rejoice upon his discovery of this ~particular~ brand ( that shall remain anonymous) and how the right fanela dakhelya can make you a star among your peers. It also appears to be the key to success in attracting women and eventually making a marriage work. These are pearls of wisdom, people! Pearls, I tell you!

4- Finally, I hope that Sameh chokes on those Goddamn chips of his.

There are probably a shitload of others that are also likely to make my brain hurt but those are the the ones that have left a stain on my soul, so far.

*at least I think that's the correct translation

Listening to : Goldfrapp - You never know