Thursday, 20 January 2011

I'm a horrible person...

Sometimes I get angry. Get angry at patients, get angry at myself for doing so and eventually get angry at everybody else.
I get angry at patients because they can be so frustrating sometimes. It's horrible because they're so weak, vulnerable, horribly aware of their own vulnerability and where I work, they're often quite destitute. They also give you the vague impression that they're going to be back very soon because they just can't and/or won't take care of themselves. You know that diabetic will be back in less than 6 months to get another toe ( or maybe a whole foot) chopped off. You know that drug addict will be back in less than a month to get another part of him fixed after fighting with another drug addict.Then there are the relatives, who are a whole different ballgame.
So when it's 3 a.m. and patients won't cooperate because they're so terrified or they're insulting because they don't trust us since the only doctors available at 3 a.m. in government hospitals are the really young ones, I tend to lose my temper. I become impatient and I yell. I become pushy and downright harsh.
So when an initially terrified young woman woke up after a C-section and weakly kissed my arm to thank me before I even realized what she was trying to do, I felt like the worst person in the world. I don't deserve any gratitude because even though she might not be aware of how horrible I can be, I unfortunately am.