Stalk-a-licious!

So here's the latest in a long line of creepy messages that end up in my Facebook inbox. Observe, my friends this ~*mysterious*~ stranger's unique skills of expression:

Subject: hi

"first of all i want to say that i send to you cause i feel that we
will become friends although i hate this way but believe me i am different
from anyone you meet on net or awhole your life i dont talk to anyone
but you seem that you are good-hearted if you want to win a good friend
try to call me on mobile ............. or through email
...........@hotmail.com my name is ........... 28 years single work as an
accountant from cairo i will wait your call bye"

Of course, this was simply edited to remove the dude's name, mobile number and email address.

However, the idea of leaving them in there just for the mere bitchiness of the idea seemed incredibly tempting.

Let's analyze this bit by bit, shall we? Even though, the lack of any punctuation whatsoever will make it somewhat of a "challenge".

"first of all i want to say that i send to you cause i feel that we

will become friends although i hate this way"

I have my profile set to private, my photos set to private, my status set to private and we have absolutely no friends in common. I fail to see the mystical connection we seem to have but apparently he does, so who am I to judge? He also "hate this way", so you know, he's like, never ever done this before but our connection was just too strong for him to resist, dammit!

"but believe me i am different
from anyone you meet on net or awhole your life"

I like how he simultaneously demonstrates what an overinflated ego he has and assumes that he's the most interesting person I have ever had the pleasure of encountering in my dull little life.

Although if that were the case, I would have carefully slit both wrists a few years back. Heck, I would have gone straight for the carotid just to be positive.

"i dont talk to anyone
but you seem that you are good-hearted "

So he doesn't talk to just anyone but he'll make an exception for me. I fail to express how shiny I feel inside at this moment. I feel so..so...ezbeshee-al!

O and be still my heart, for this random person off the interwebs thinks you are good based only on my name and the tiny thumbnail of my already blurry profile picture!
Well, that's all he can see but I've always felt that I have a phonetically pleasing name, so it's no wonder really.

"if you want to win a good friend
try to call me on mobile ............. or through email
...........@hotmail.com my name is ........... 28 years single work as an
accountant from cairo"

Translation of this: Act now if you don't want to miss the unique opportunity of getting me; the one, the only, the amazing to include you in my exclusive group of friends! After all, I'm a man from Cairo in my late 20's with a steady job and not only a mobile, but an email address, too! And you know how we fellas are rare nowadays, don't cha?
* insert image of him dancing to his own personalized rendition of "don't cha wish your girlfriend (or rather boyfriend) was hot like me" behind his keyboard. *

"i will wait your call bye"

Yep, you sure will.