Tuesday, 19 February 2008

Hear the Crushing Steel..Feel the Steering Wheel.

from Warm Leatherette by the Normal - 1978

Being the great procrastinator I am, I still haven't learned how to drive. I can't really say the prospect seems all that tempting. Riding shotgun while my mother and father drive, I find myself both highly amused and extremely concerned. My mother - who is an excellent driver by all accounts - is especially creative when it comes to shouting insults and making fun of the stupidity of her fellow drivers in a way completely foreign ( and just a wee bit scary) to her usual self. That's the amusing part. The concerning issue is the fact that her nervous system and heart are being kicked repeatedly in their respective asses whenever she sits herself behind that damned steering wheel. I mean, most - if not everything - in Egypt nowadays is apt to bring out the best in your genetic makeup, be it High Blood Pressure, Diabetes or other stress-related conditions you might be predisposed to.
I personally find myself staring fascinated, mouth agape and everything whenever I see the cars criss-crossing randomly through the streets, pushing themselves through any space that will take them. Together with the broken and bumpy roads, the unnecessary (and often inane) traffic barricades and the random car collision, it all paints such an elaborate painting of extreme mental incompetence. It's mah-velous, I tell you!
Also, I believe stupidity in driving is not gender specific. It's true that incompetent female drivers tend to drive a bit too slowly and stick to one side of the road with their hands and teeth (I'll never let go, Jack. Never let go...NO MATTER WHAT!) they'll probably have you gritting your teeth and pulling your hair out strand by strand and maybe get the blood boiling just a bit or finally make that aneurysm go *pop*.
However, incompetent male drivers are more likely to crash into you for the simple reason that you dared to exist in their field of vision (you simple, lowly mortal, you). They're also always in a hurry and always need to have one hand perpetually attached to the car-horn the same way an infant needs his goo-goo ( i.e. pacificer, bunny wabbit, peddy bear etc.) to stop crying. Apparently, twice as many accidents are caused by males rather than females (google it). It could be because women usually have their children with them, the fact that men are more aggressive or simply because men just drive around a lot more. Point is, you're more likely to break a limb or worse because of unfortunately being in the same vicinity as a retarded male driver.

In conclusion, whatever morbid worries you might'll (unfortunately) find them on the street of Cairo (because you know you'll eventually have to go there..mwahaha).

Rabena Yostor


hesperia said...

lol, dont u just love the way the people HAVE to walk on the actual road and never the sidewalk, albeit specially created for that purpose "no, no, no! i'd rather be caught dead than walkin on the pavement!"
it's really a treat drivin in egypt, not! but would u rather take public transport? :S